torn,confused

It feels weird when things goes out of our own hands. The worst thing is when to let others understand you when you needed them to. I'm fairly disappointed at myself and most of all people who are close to me. I know I've done silly things lately and did not mean to hurt anyone with my silliness. Neither would I want to make a fool out of people who cared and loved me so much. I'm never such a person to allow myself to make a trick out of people whom I've known to have faith and trust in me. I'm torn, hurt, most of all sad for what I've done and seen what's happening around me today. I don't know what should I do. Saying sorry is cliche... and I don't want to utter that word. It is just tormenting T.T I wished I could talk to someone now.. but I don't have anyone to listen to me... I don't even dare to tell my own family about my problems. I'm just lost right now...